being brave(r)

15 March 2018

Hello my sweet birds,

I hope all is well.

I've been toying with the idea of writing about bravery. Over the years, it has become something quite important. It can have different shapes and forms. Yet, I can observe bravery everyday and still be amazed by how brave people are. There is no small act of bravery. Sometimes being brave involves getting out of bed and sometimes it takes more than that. Sometimes it's simply standing up for yourself or someone else. Sometimes it's choosing to take the high road when all you want to do is fight. Sometimes it's kicking life to the curb. Sometimes it's simply breathing. It often involves getting out of your comfort zone.

I've never considered myself as brave. I've always felt like I was playing it safe. Always saying the right thing at the right time. Being the perfect little girl everyone wanted me to be. I'm pretty sure that for a while I was that girl. The one that had to always be perfect. Be who everybody wanted me to be. Oh boy, that girl with the broken smile was not happy. She was bittersweet.

She was a tune I could not play. It took me a long time and a big struggle to realize it. I made a promise to myself that day. Every night that I cried myself to sleep thinking that tomorrow would be my very last day, I decided. I decided that if life, god, jesus or karma decided to let me live and to give me another chance I would be better. I would do better. I would overcome my fear. I will no longer let my fears rule me.

If anyone would have told me back then that 5 years later I would still be alive, I would have not believed it. The odds were so against me. I could barely walk. My lungs were failling. My liver was crappier than ever. Breathing simply felt like it was taking away all the strength I had left. I was sick. Very sick but also tired of life pushing me around. I could barely get out of bed. Everything hurt.

And then, I got better. I got so much better. I could walk again. I could breath. I don't think I've felt happier in my life than the day they told me I was cured. I would never feel so helpless. And then, for the first time in my life I was safe.

What I mean here by sharing this part of my story is that you shouldn't wait for life to knock you down to decide to do something brave, to be brave. That's when the magic happens. Make the most of today. You can never know how much time you have left on your clock...

Thank you for reading and I'll see you soon ♥ x

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photo by ©LoulouG8

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