Life lately

22 August 2017


In the big scheme of things, it all sounds pretty futile, doesn’t it? I mean what’s that tiny little thing compared to what’s going on around the world?

I don’t know what it is. I’m not really sure when it happened but I have changed. I have gone into this kind of mood where it seems like nothing really matters anymore. Who am I to complain about anything or hold any grudge or judgement over anyone or anything? What rights do I have? How can I pretend this is important when the world around us is crashing down?

It’s not that important. It won’t change my life. It won’t make a difference in the world. Thus, why should I care? Why should I bother? Now, it all goes above my head. It floats away.

I used to be someone who would argue about pretty much anything with anyone. I could be picky and uneasy. One even said I was very opinionated. A long time ago, I decided that I had to change people. I had to make this world a better place. It was sort of my responsibility to fix their lives.

This year has taught me many things. Among those things, there are valuable lessons. I need to see people for what they are and not what they could be.

Life is too short for me to spend it trying to fix what’s broken. Broken doesn’t mean something is wrong. Broken cannot always be fixed. Sometimes, it’s better to simply let it be broken and walk away.

I’m not saying I gave up on people or relationships. I simply realized that it was consuming. It was exhausting to fight those battles alone, to be the only one making an effort. To try to give life to what was already dead. There was no fire left and by trying to light it up, I was extinguishing my own fire.

By trying endlessly to hold on to what was already gone, I was wasting my energy, my love, my time. The negativity was spreading all over me. Having so much empathy that you can relate to anyone - or any situation - is draining. You always put yourself in their shoes. I have this habit of expecting people to do the same. Unfortunately, it seems like something not everyone can do.

Where was that girl who always saw the bright side? That Bossy girl who would always find a silver lining to pretty much anything? She was left alone, cold and tired on the side of the road. What had she gained from giving her all to the wrong people? Nothing. Emptiness.

That’s why that girl has now decided to forget and forgive. To let others, fight their own battles. To let them argue and waste their time on frivolous things without her. She had far more better things to take care of. Sadly, in this universe, what they were determined to bicker about was nothing. If it didn’t involve life or death, she would not be bothered anymore. She would pick her battles more carefully now. Only fight for those who needed and valued her.

What are your thoughts? What’s the most important thing you have learnt his year?

Thank you for reading and I'll see you soon ♥ x

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